I've been contemplating what I wanted to say to you for some time now. And I just can't figure it out. It's not often that I have this difficulty. But even after a month of having time to mull it over in my mind, I just don't know what to say to you. That doesn't mean I like you any less than others, I just haven't fully decided how I like you.
There's the fact that you were able to escape your dirt bag husband. That says a lot. That shows strength. And I commend you for that.
But then, on the other side, you cling to Miles like a baby to his mother. And that, it kind of shows weakness. Not weakness in the vain of "you're a weak person," but the fact that you kind of clung on to the first man to show you affection. And don't get me wrong, Miles is GREAT. He really is.
I guess I don't really know what I'm saying. Do you see what my problem is here?
It really all started when you were telling me about the time Miles found out your brother is the one that killed his wife. You were just so reserved and offsetting and, dare I say, whiny. And I guess I can't say this is a wrong reaction, since I have no idea how I would react in this situation. But it just seems like...it just seems like you would have reacted differently. I get not wanting your brother to get in trouble. And I understand not wanting to hurt the man you love. But why didn't you say anything? You had a chance to talk to Miles, you had the chance to explain yourself, and you didn't. I get that it would have been hard. Really hard. But if it meant loosing him forever...DO IT. He overreacted, as one can expect. He made assumptions, as one could expect. He was hurt, as one can expect. So wasn't it up to you to try and help him, to set him straight, to show him.
And like I said, this didn't make me not like you or your story, it just made me sit back and think, humph. And that's it. There was no connection, no hatred, no enthusiasm. It just was. And I think that's why I don't really know what to say to you. Your story was sad, but it wasn't tragic. It was touching, but it wasn't inspiring. It was just too mixed.
Maybe I'll end up with this amazing ephiphany and I'll totally understand the meaning of it all, and then I'll totally change my mind--in which case I'll let you know. But for now, this is all I have to offer. Humph.