Saturday, July 13, 2013

Dear, Sarah,

I've been contemplating what I wanted to say to you for some time now. And I just can't figure it out. It's not often that I have this difficulty. But even after a month of having time to mull it over in my mind, I just don't know what to say to you. That doesn't mean I like you any less than others, I just haven't fully decided how I like you.

There's the fact that you were able to escape your dirt bag husband. That says a lot. That shows strength. And I commend you for that.

But then, on the other side, you cling to Miles like a baby to his mother. And that, it kind of shows weakness. Not weakness in the vain of "you're a weak person," but the fact that you kind of clung on to the first man to show you affection. And don't get me wrong, Miles is GREAT. He really is.

I guess I don't really know what I'm saying. Do you see what my problem is here?

It really all started when you were telling me about the time Miles found out your brother is the one that killed his wife. You were just so reserved and offsetting and, dare I say, whiny. And I guess I can't say this is a wrong reaction, since I have no idea how I would react in this situation. But it just seems just seems like you would have reacted differently. I get not wanting your brother to get in trouble. And I understand not wanting to hurt the man you love. But why didn't you say anything? You had a chance to talk to Miles, you had the chance to explain yourself, and you didn't. I get that it would have been hard. Really hard. But if it meant loosing him forever...DO IT. He overreacted, as one can expect. He made assumptions, as one could expect. He was hurt, as one can expect. So wasn't it up to you to try and help him, to set him straight, to show him.

And like I said, this didn't make me not like you or your story, it just made me sit back and think, humph. And that's it. There was no connection, no hatred, no enthusiasm. It just was. And I think that's why I don't really know what to say to you. Your story was sad, but it wasn't tragic. It was touching, but it wasn't inspiring. It was just too mixed.

Maybe I'll end up with this amazing ephiphany and I'll totally understand the meaning of it all, and then I'll totally change my mind--in which case I'll let you know. But for now, this is all I have to offer. Humph. 

Confusidly yours,

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Dear, Emaline,

It's been a while since I've sat down and written a letter. I feel kind of guilty about that. But a lot of things have changed. I moved across the country (again), I had a baby boy, I got a new career--you know, nothing significant. I guess all that's to say that I come to you with a different view on life. I've followed some of your friends/acquaintances/neighbors for quite some time, and I wondered, Will I feel the same about Colby and the stories that come out of this little beach town now that I'm, you know, "grown up"? I honestly wasn't sure. But I did know this: some of my most fond memories were in Colby; I met wonderful people; I fell in love (I think); I visited time and time again, not getting enough of the residents/tourists/etc.

So, when I found out I was going to be meeting you, I was nervous. I was scared. I was worried that everything I had known would change. Because I had irrevocably, undeniably changed. But you taught me something. We all change. We will. It's just a part of human nature. What matters, however, is how we accept it, how we handle it, and how we let it impact our beings..
have changed since the last time I wrote; I moved across the country (again), I had a baby boy, I started a new an actual

While our changes are much different--you're going to college, I'm having a baby; you're staying in your small town, I'm going back to mine--we're not so different, you and I.

I mean, I know you haven't decided yet if you're going to leave Colby (or at least, you haven't told me), but I have a sneaking suspicion you will. If you're meant to be somewhere bigger in this world, you'll get there some how. I am painfully shy; I am a complete introvert; I'm more comfortable hiding in my twins' shadow. With all that being said though, I took off--I flew away from the small town. And no one was more shocked than I was. First, it was just a few hours to a slightly bigger town for college, then across the country for work. And you know what, it was awesome. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't have to hide anymore; I'm still shy, but I'll talk. Changing my scenery wasn't something I was fond of, but I did it out of sheer desire to succeed. And I did.

Whether you get out of Colby now or later, you will. I know it, I can feel it in my bones. You're meant for more. You're meant for more than a crappy boyfriend that cheats on you; you're meant for more than standing in a sandbox working the family business; you're meant for more than some summer fling. I know because, you're like me. You work hard, you care too much, you're scared. I don't know if you end up with Theo, I don't know if you'll end up at EU or Columbia, I don't know what you decide; but I guess is what I'm saying is: don't give up. Keep going. If for any reason to prove your father wrong; to prove to him you're not failing, you're not going to be stuck just because he couldn't help you. Girls like you and me, we don't need anyone else. Thank you very much. We can do it just fine on our own.

So be scared, be afraid, be weary of change. Because it's that fear that could end up motivating you. It's that fear that can change your entire world, your outlook, your destiny. I was scared of the change, but I took it as it came; I, finally, decided for once in my structured, organized, thought-out life to just let the change happen, I was going to let the fear of change change me--to let it control what I do next instead of trying to control it myself. And I realized something incredibly important: if you just let go, if you just let go and let life control, well, life, amazing things can happen. And I think you'll learn that. I think, because you're like me, you'll decide to give in. You'll give in to the plan, and you'll throw caution to the wind, and you'll end up with the moon and more. You'll end up in New York with Theo, you end up somewhere with Benji, you'll go off with Morris. I don't know what you're going to do, but I do know that when you do--it's going to be amazing. For both of us.

Changingly Yours,