Dear, Emaline,

It's been a while since I've sat down and written a letter. I feel kind of guilty about that. But a lot of things have changed. I moved across the country (again), I had a baby boy, I got a new career--you know, nothing significant. I guess all that's to say that I come to you with a different view on life. I've followed some of your friends/acquaintances/neighbors for quite some time, and I wondered, Will I feel the same about Colby and the stories that come out of this little beach town now that I'm, you know, "grown up"? I honestly wasn't sure. But I did know this: some of my most fond memories were in Colby; I met wonderful people; I fell in love (I think); I visited time and time again, not getting enough of the residents/tourists/etc.

So, when I found out I was going to be meeting you, I was nervous. I was scared. I was worried that everything I had known would change. Because I had irrevocably, undeniably changed. But you taught me something. We all change. We will. It's just a part of human nature. What matters, however, is how we accept it, how we handle it, and how we let it impact our beings..
have changed since the last time I wrote; I moved across the country (again), I had a baby boy, I started a new job...like an actual

While our changes are much different--you're going to college, I'm having a baby; you're staying in your small town, I'm going back to mine--we're not so different, you and I.

I mean, I know you haven't decided yet if you're going to leave Colby (or at least, you haven't told me), but I have a sneaking suspicion you will. If you're meant to be somewhere bigger in this world, you'll get there some how. I am painfully shy; I am a complete introvert; I'm more comfortable hiding in my twins' shadow. With all that being said though, I took off--I flew away from the small town. And no one was more shocked than I was. First, it was just a few hours to a slightly bigger town for college, then across the country for work. And you know what, it was awesome. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't have to hide anymore; I'm still shy, but I'll talk. Changing my scenery wasn't something I was fond of, but I did it out of sheer desire to succeed. And I did.

Whether you get out of Colby now or later, you will. I know it, I can feel it in my bones. You're meant for more. You're meant for more than a crappy boyfriend that cheats on you; you're meant for more than standing in a sandbox working the family business; you're meant for more than some summer fling. I know because, you're like me. You work hard, you care too much, you're scared. I don't know if you end up with Theo, I don't know if you'll end up at EU or Columbia, I don't know what you decide; but I guess is what I'm saying is: don't give up. Keep going. If for any reason to prove your father wrong; to prove to him you're not failing, you're not going to be stuck just because he couldn't help you. Girls like you and me, we don't need anyone else. Thank you very much. We can do it just fine on our own.

So be scared, be afraid, be weary of change. Because it's that fear that could end up motivating you. It's that fear that can change your entire world, your outlook, your destiny. I was scared of the change, but I took it as it came; I, finally, decided for once in my structured, organized, thought-out life to just let the change happen, I was going to let the fear of change change me--to let it control what I do next instead of trying to control it myself. And I realized something incredibly important: if you just let go, if you just let go and let life control, well, life, amazing things can happen. And I think you'll learn that. I think, because you're like me, you'll decide to give in. You'll give in to the plan, and you'll throw caution to the wind, and you'll end up with the moon and more. You'll end up in New York with Theo, you end up somewhere with Benji, you'll go off with Morris. I don't know what you're going to do, but I do know that when you do--it's going to be amazing. For both of us.


Changingly Yours,

NicholleLee

Dear Laurel,

At first, you annoyed me. To be completely honest. I'm it'd been eight years--MOVE ON already. The fact that you wouldn't even give Cole the time of day was just...childish. And you're supposed to be a big, mature judge... Finally however--because of his gray eyes, or his devilish smile, or maybe because he seems like a genuinely nice person--you forgave him. For what? I don't know yet and it's driving me crazy.

But it got me thinking.

After eight years you still couldn't see him; you still couldn't stand him. Either he was truly the most disgusting human being on Earth, or girl...you're in love. But, seriously. Eight years? Aren't you a Christian? Aren't Christian's supposed to forgive. That's what I'm told. It just doesn't make sense to me that you could hold so much resentment toward someone for eight years that when they come back into you life (for reasons unknown) you can't even give them the time of day.

I mean aren't we supposed to live, learn, and move on? Isn't that like the philosophy of life or something? How could you have so much resentment built up in you for so long? Didn't it drive you cray? Didn't it kill you? Wasn't it exhausting? Maybe I'm just too forgiving. Maybe you're not forgiving enough. I don't know.

I know you say that you had thrown all that crap away, that you had moved on, you didn't realize you still had all these feelings. But how couldn't you? How couldn't you feel that hatred? To be completely honest, it just makes you seem like an emotionless wench. Truly. I'm sorry--that was rude, but it's true!

I understand a broken heart or whatever. I understand being hurt so badly by someone it makes you physically ill. I get it. I do. But don't we move on? Don't we grow? Out of sight out of mind, right? Apparently not.

And what I really don't get is how it's being with him again (after you finally give him two seconds of your time) that you forgive him. You don't even "forgive" him, you just fall in love with him! It doesn't make sense. Am I missing something? Maybe I'm too emotional. Maybe I don't get love. Maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't know what makes us different. And maybe that's all it is...differences. But it just seems like too much to hold on for eight years.

Isn't that the best form of revenge--moving on, being happy, not needing him? Maybe it's easier said than done. I guess I don't have that much experience in the whole love thing... But I am married...I've had heartache...I've been betrayed. I just feel like life is too short to hold on to a grudge for eight years. Maybe you're learning that now. Maybe that's why you "forgave" Cole. Maybe that's why you're falling in love again...with the same person.

Maybe my view will change when you finish telling me your story. I hope it does. Because right now I can't help but think you're a heartless wench with no emotion. And yet, I find my self strangely drawn to you... Does that make me weird.

Emotionally Yours,
NicholleLee.

Dear Mara Dyer,

WHAT????? Jude. No. The watch. The hat. Eeek.

I can't imagine what's going through your head at this moment. Then again, maybe it's just in your head? I don't know. I have no idea.

Mara, you are by far the strangest and most unique person I've ever encountered. How did this happen? How did you happen. I can't even wrap my head around it, and I'm an outsider. How? What? You're going crazy, I know it. Not literally. Well, maybe. But, confusing!

This is all I have to say: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM NOAH. He's your only hope. You can trust a guy named Noah. Jude on the other hand? Clearly not. Jude. It's too sharp; it's too strong.




The truth is, I just don't know what to think. Am I freaked out? Am I totally open and accepting? I have no idea. Normally I'm a pretty good judge of people. But you, you, I just don't know. I want to be accepting of who you are and recognize that it's not you doing these things, but something that happened to you. But it's freaky. It's weird. This can't just happen can it? My dad says every action has a consequence--an equal or greater reaction. And, I don't know. This has got to be a reaction to something. But what. 


M-A-R-A
I mean, the Ouija board said you were going to be the death of Rachel. What did it know that you didn't? What was the cause of said Ouija board message? Everything has an equal or greater reaction... So what was it? Was it truly just the pressure of the asylum? ...no pun intended...it's kind of there. Somewhere something inside you snapped. But what was it? 


I guess I'll just have to wait until we meet again.


Confusidly Yours,
NicholleLee.

Dear Astrid,

I can't quite figure out why I don't like you, but I don't.


You've been in the back of my mind ever since our first meeting--what was it, a month ago? But, I'm just not itching to see you again. I should be. You have a most incredible life. Speakeasies, flapper dresses, horses; it sounds divine. I mean look at you!! You're GORGEOUS. You're the modern day Daisy? I have no idea!


But, something about your attitude makes the hair on my arms stick up and I have a feeling we would not end up friends. And if we did, it would not end pretty.


Violet Baudelaire once told me first impressions are often wrong and I know she's right. I mean, if I just took the time to actually get to know you, I'm sure we'd get along just fine...right? But, I just can't seem to get over that first impression. I'm trying to listen to her, really I am!! You're still in the back of my head, that's got to count for something, yeah?


I'm sure you can tell your fair share of tales--I doubt you're one to sit home on Friday night and read. You're in New York, the Big City, the Red Apple, and I'm here...in Oklahoma. I mean, I'll admit, my life is not glamorous. I'd like to live vicariously through you, but at the same time I don't mind a quiet life filled with books and purring kittens. Something about you tells me you'd laugh at my trivial lifestyle. And, I'd stare awestruck, with my jaw dropped at yours. Lets switch for a day?


So, I guess I'm writing to say don't to give up on me just yet. It may take me a while, but I normally come around. I have a feeling we have the potential to be great friends...I'm just a little slow. And, you're probably pretty impatient...

So, until next time...maybe...


Slowly becoming yours,
NicholleLee

Dear Hermione,

I think we're a lot alike. We're both the most studious out of our friends. We care about our grades. We don't break rules. And we have no friends... Hmm...I wonder if these above traits could have anything to do with that?? As I've grown up, I've come to realize that rules can or should be bent sometimes, not necessarily broken, but.... I've also learned that if I don't spend so much time studying and some time having a little bit of fun, it actually helps my studies--I know, crazy, right?! But, it's true---I wouldn't lie to a fellow bookworm. Taking some time for yourself will make you less stressed and give your brain a break, thusly allowing you to....remember. And, you wont be so snotty and stuck-up. Because lets be honest, you are....kind of. I mean, you clearly drive Harry and Ron insane and there's no point in denying that you've had a few cries because of the things people have said about you....

Actually, now that I think of it, that troll almost killing you was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. I mean, honestly. When you stare death in the face it changes a person--not that I really know. But, it seems now that you've learned this....some... But, following Ron and Harry around and acting as if you're friends when they're rolling their eyes at you and are (still) annoyed, doesn't count on friends.

I hope in your future at Hogwarts you will learn to loosen up a little bit--and have fun/make friends.

Only one of us needs to be obsessively studious...and I've held the torch longer and to be completely honest I'm not ready to give it up.... Sorry....

Studiously Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson