Friday, September 25, 2009

Dear Eli,

Thank you for letting her in. She needed you, and as much as you don't want to admit it, you needed her. Sometimes after a really terrible experience is the time when you meet the person you need most. And although you don't want them because you're afraid to get hurt and you just want to wallow and hate the world, you really do need them. And look, how was it you got over your friends death? Because of her. And, how did she cope with her "heartache" from her parents divorce, you. See, it's perfect. You found each other when you didn't want anybody, when you needed somebody. And that is the purest kind of romance ever. When you don't want someone, you hate yourself for wanting someone, yet you need them, you can't stop thinking about them, you love them. It really is perfect, do you see? I wish I could have the relationship you have with Auden with someone. Actually...I did have that relationship with someone, but we were both too scared. We both ran away, we couldn't do it. And there's not a day I don't think about it, or one of our adventures, or how happy I was with that person. And, it's gone now, I'll never get that love or that happiness back. But, you, you knew better. And maybe that's what makes it so pure for me and why I'm so jealous of you, because what I had of that was so perfect and you were just....smarter than me, you realized what you would lose. And although I knew what I was loosing, and I watched myself loose it, I didn't feel in control of that loss. And there is not really anything I would do now to gain that love or even that beginning friendship back. It was the best friendship I've ever had, the best and most unique love I've ever had. And when you find something like that, you just have to hold onto it as hard as you can, because you can wake up one day and it will have slipped through your fingers. So don't let what happened to me happen to you. Although, I don't think you will because you realize how important Auden is to you. You know she's the chance of a lifetime. And me? Maybe another place, another time, it would have worked. Maybe it still will. But, until then we'll never know. But, I'm so happy for you. And all I have to say is, YOU + AUDEN= EEEEEEK. That's all I'm sayin. So good luck, to you, to her, to the both of you. Hold on to her with all you've got.

Resentfully yet happily yours,
NicholleLee Robertson.

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